A new life…where do I start?

If there is one thing that the corona pandemic has made painfully clear for so many it is the vulnerability of life and the realization that some things that we thought were important, such as status, a certain job, etc. do not always contribute to your overall sense of well-being and happiness, and others such as family, friends, me-time, and doing something meaningful matter a lot more.

Ever more people have come to the realization that their current life(style) doesn’t fit them anymore and that something needs to change. 

Up until now your life might have unfolded quite nicely; you have done everything as they told you to do. You went to school, then in your late teens, early twenties you made a few choices to the best of your abilities at that time, people you trusted helped you on the way with their good advice and before you knew it you graduated and few years later you suddenly find yourself in a job that pays well, with nice colleagues (or not), a mortgage, maybe a family of your own… You should be grateful and happy, but it doesn’t feel like you anymore, you realize you dread the traffic jams, every week seems like the week before, your job no longer excites you, but you keep going because there are bills to be paid and people you are responsible for and what’s the alternative?

It makes your weeks feel like running in an endless treadmill and your future look pale and unexciting.

Sometimes you daydream about what you would do if you could start all over again, but the questions that triggers quickly become overwhelming and you push the idea away.

This is not for me, you think, and at the same time it feels like chickening out.

Well, the overwhelm and fear is totally normal, and you don’t have to chicken out either.

Actually, for now, you don’t have to do anything drastic at all.

What is causing you to feel this way is your survival brain. Your survival or reptile brain prefers a known situation over some threatening new thing and it’s serving you that platter full of fear and doubt to prevent you from making any changes and keep you “safely” where you are. It’s a prehistoric survival mechanism deeply engraved in your subconscious.

The good news is that we’re no longer living in caves, nor do we have to literally go through a dark forest full of predators all by ourselves. 

So relax.

Some years ago, I was in that place too and that’s when I started listening to podcasts, reading loads of books and articles.

During the many hours I spend on the road travelling to clients I listened to hundreds of hours of audiobooks and podcasts; hearing all these stories slowly helped me to put things into another perspective and were the first steps to gain more clarity. 

Little by little a new path began to emerge.

Now, there is so much information to be found so I understand it can be overwhelming to figure out where to start. 

And as with most things in life, there is no right or wrong way to do this, but to get you going I would like to give you 2 book titles and a podcast episode that inspired me a lot, maybe they will put you on your next journey as well.

The first book that made me see that what I was experiencing wasn’t crazy is Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. 

The authors have been running a course with the same name at Stanford University for years and it has been one of the most popular facultative courses ever since the start. 

They basically use a design methodology to help you find out what it is you can do when you grow up. 

For years this course was only available for Stanford students, but with the book, the wisdom and principles are within everyone’s reach.

I don’t know how I came across this book anymore, but I do remember how exciting it was to find out that so many people struggle with their life and that you can actually decide on any given age to do something about it. 

My second recommendation is a podcast – The Art of Manliness episode # 598  - with an interview from the author of Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life (how to finally really grow up) by James Hollis. 

James Hollis is a Jungian analyst and analytical psychologist. This book, which is a bit harder to get through than the previous one I’ve mentioned, gives you insights on the biological and psychological factors that make that we as human beings experience these turbulent emotional shifts often referred to as “quarterlife” or “midlife” crisis and what that is telling us. The above mentioned interview is a great place to start though.

Once you’re rolling and you are interested to dig a bit deeper into what you can do to continue moving forward or what it is that is keeping you from doing so,  Mindset by Carol Dweck is a wonderful book.

Carol Dweck is an absolute authority in the field of personality, social and developmental psychology and her bestseller Mindset is doing a fantastic job dissecting your destructive thinking patterns, where they come from and offering ways to turn them into patterns that truly serve you.

By the way, if reading isn’t your thing or finding the time is difficult, audiobooks are an excellent alternative, you can listen while your commuting, painting, walking the dog or anything else that doesn’t require too much of your attention.

I hope these titles will inspire you as much as they have inspired me. 

Maybe they will be the first step in writing the next chapter of your precious life. 

Which books, podcasts, articles, websites, or other resources got you on the way of new insights?

Have a great day and keep moving!

Bart

PS: If you feel like sharing your story, just reach out, I’d love to hear what’s on your mind.